Been a while, huh?

Summer is over. School is in session. Fall is around the corner.
And life is crazy once again.

As much as I love fall and winter, I miss the slowness of summer. How mellow it is, how free one can be, how my days were always spontaneously planned, my responsibilities disappeared just for a little while. With school being back, the loads of homework, now figuring out what the fruit I'm going to do after high school AND also working every day after school, I'm a busy little bee.

So, a few new things:
1. I have my license now! Soooo stoked about that. :D
2. I've been blessed with a really great job opportunity as a tutor for two girls in elementary school.
3. My college search is still relatively unsuccessful.
4. I'm seriously considering taking a huge chunk of time off and joining with a missions organization.
5. I am also going to look into worship leading - which also means getting better at piano.
6. I'm kinda sorta in a band!

I guess that's really all I have for now. Honestly, I should be working on my Watson essay. 7-10 pages, due on Friday. I was sick yesterday, I work til 5 AND have ABS tomorrow, and then Thursday!! D: I'm only slightly freaking out.

Well, I've missed writing... :P

Later bro,
Kyls.
<3

PS: Jumpstart was incredible. Here's a picture from that night, such a rad opportunity God gave me!

Summer bucket list.

Go to the beach.
Parties.
Hume Lake<3
Go up to the mountains.
Visit Belmont University.
Sing with Mr. Kenny Eiland.
Train with Zane and Ben for b-ball. (pending)
Pull an all-nighter.
Bonfire.
Midnight premiere of pretty much anything.
See Winnie the Pooh.
See Captain America.
TENNESSEE.
Finally see Inception.
Get into a Bible study.
Sing in TN.
Read. A lot. (pending)

I have work to do... and approx. 4 or so weeks to do so.

Later bro,
Kyls.

Nothing like a little summer narcissism. 

;)

Steak n Shake, baby.

Seriously. One of the best burger places I have ever been.

Totally a highlight of my visit out here.

Sunday morning, I woke at 6:00 a.m. (4:00 a.m. California time) sharp, put on my new casual and super cute dress, my gladiator sandals, did my hair and hopped in Kenny's truck and off to Harpeth Community Church. This kid has now sung in Tennessee. Yeah dawg, that's what up. After singing both services, saying goodbye to Darnell and some of my other new Southern friends, I came home and took the most glorious nap. Upon my awakening, I found that Kenny's doo-wop was here for rehearsal and they allowed me to sing with them, also a blast. Sunday evening, Kenny and Dona's friend was having a birthday celebration that I was so graciously invited to as well. And let me just say, one of the greatest nights of my Tennessee trip. AMAZING food, watching these people smile and sing and dance and just have fun was a blast.

Monday morning was my appointment at Belmont University and if we're being totally honest, I'm like 85% sold. 

Not only is this literally the most beautiful campus I have ever seen, but it's such an amazing community. They are in the heart of freakin' Nashville, just adjacent to Music Row!! They own multiple recording studios, including two actually located in Music Row and multiple ones on campus. They have a huge gym/event center where they hold concerts, debates and many different events. They have even had a presidential debate in there once! Belmont is a well-renown school, their music program has been #1 for years and their other programs have been in the top 20 for years as well. 

Needless to say, I'm about 90% sold on going there. Of course, finances are always something to worry about, but God knows how much I want this and God also knows what is best, so I'm holding to the truth that God will provide for me the best option... and I really hope it's Belmont because that place is so freakin' pretty.

(Freakin' amazing, right? Right.)

I am heading back home on Thursday. Not excited to be flying and hanging out in airports all day. But quite frankly, if you sit down at the gate, if gives you a great opportunity to determine what people would look like if they were cats. But after having told a few people that, I've realized that I'm the only person that does that. Oh well. To each his own, right? :P

Well, with all that being said, I'm excited to be coming home soon. I've really missed my family and friends, but being out here has taught me so much and left me with some amazing memories.

Later bro,

Kyls. 

You from Tennessee? 'Cause you're the only Ten-I-See. ;)

My hunk of burnin' love.

;)

I'm currently in Tennesee!

And it's really freaking pretty here.

As beautiful as it is out here, I honestly miss home a lot. I don't miss the desert so much, but I miss my family and I miss my friends. Oh my gosh, I miss them so much. I miss my church. Saturday night means Fuel and Harbor and I really want to be there tonight. I guess I never knew how much I loved it there... wow, never thought I'd be saying that.

I hate the desert. It's hot and ugly and surprisingly crowded, but I love the people I have there. I love them. 

The main reason that I came out to Tennessee was to visit Belmont University, I have a scheduled tour for said college on Monday and as excited as I am to see it, I feel like I might have also changed my mind a little. As beautiful as the campus is, as great as their reputation is, I don't know if I'm really ready to completely uproot myself and move all the way out here. I don't know. At the same time though, I do love it out here. Being that I'm living with two working adults and the daughter of one who actually has a life out here, I am kind of a tag-along and a stranger. I have yet to really see what TN has to offer me. So, I don't know... I just don't. The future freaks me out. 

I have a lot of thinking to do. A lot of planning to do.

My thoughts are (as always) running at like, 100 miles an hour and I feel stuck. 

Stuck, but hopeful.

Later bro,

Kyls.

Post-Hume Sadness.

Every high comes with a crash.
And no, I don't mean drugs... :P

Hume Lake, and any other Christian summer camp for that matter, comes with an amazing mountain top experience. Being at chapel two times a day, worshiping alongside a giant group of people (most being great friends of mine), seeing hands raised and eyes closed and hearts on fire. I miss seeing daily lives surrounded by all things God. It's hard to board that bus in the morning, drive away from your home for 7 days and expect to honestly feel the same way when you get home. Mountain top highs always come with a crash.

Going home from camp is always a bummer. As much as I did miss my family, my friends and my very own bed. being at Hume is a feeling like no other. That Saturday morning, boarding the bus, making sure I was sitting with Travis, Stephy and Hailey, thinking "Is that really it?" Those thoughts were not because I felt disappointed and expected more from my camp experience, not at all. Those thoughts were because I felt like  the most amazing week of my summer went by way too fast. All the things that I learned, all the fun activities I got to be a part of, the nearness I felt with God... it felt like it was all over.

But that's not how it should be, is it? Why should my location determine the way I feel about God? That's a little selfish, don't you think? Chapel doesn't always have to be someone teaching me something, it can be about me getting over how lazy I feel or how upset/angry at God I might be, I can learn for myself. Worship doesn't always revolve around an awesome band and some cool lyrics. Worship is a lifestyle.


So, easier said than done, right? Right. This the part that I need to work on. Being kept accountable. It's not that hard to crack open my Bible for a mere five minutes and put a little Jesus in my day. Staying connecting is only hard if you're not willing to do it. There's a God up in Heaven that wants you, wants me, and I'm being too selfish to just see what He has for me, when I already know it's the best.

I really do miss Hume though...
Well, that's my ramble for today. I really need to get my act together.
I'm very determined to stay focused and to stay connected but, it takes work. So it's time to get my Jesus wheels in gear and really step up.

Later bro,
Kyls.

Back to reality.

Hume Lake 2011.
So far, the greatest week of my summer.
Here are a few pictures from my week at Hume Lake, the rest are on my Facebook.

Every year that I go to Hume Lake, I'm reminded of what an amazing place it truly is. Despite the bugs, the heat and the fact that it rained for two days, I have no complaints. The cabin I was in proved to have some challenges, but even that couldn't derail my week. 

From running around the in the pouring rain with Jasmine, getting muddy and then jumping in the lake fully clothed after Rec, some...interesting food, seeing friends from the previous year, even to getting dead last place on my Rec team, this was easily my favorite and my best year at Hume.

Spending time with my friends, getting to know others and just having so much fun were a huge part of my week at Hume Lake, but what made it incredible was the growth and the nearness that I felt this week. God broke me in a way that I never thought I'd experience. He finally broke down my walls and for the first time in a really long time, I feel close and encouraged and loved by the King. 

Our speaker was so incredible, almost every single message brought tears to my eyes. I felt as though he was talking to me, that he was speaking from my personal testimony. Even in his optional seminars, he struck such a chord with me and brought me to tears. 

The theme this year is All In. And for the first time, I am all in. I am determined and I am encouraged and I'm ready to really get serious. This week has really shown me how selfish I've been. I've been wearing the crown for too long and I make a really bad king. Like the Isrealites in 1 Samuel 8, I knew exactly the mess I'd make of the kingdom if I let anything other than God take the reigns, but I wanted to be king anyway. My lust for control, my pride and even a 2 to 3 year sin struggle have destroyed my kingdom and well, it's time for God to take control because well, I suck at this king thing.

So, it's about time I went All In. Because what really is the worst that could happen if I let God do His king thing? Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..."

Love = unconditional sacrifice.

Sacrifice = complete surrender.

God didn't send His only Son to get 90% of me. He sent all in return for all.

"When you go all in on God,

you will understand that He already went all in on you."

-Chris Brown. 

(our speaker for the week, not the artist. :P)

For more Hume pictures, check out my album on Facebook.

Later bro,

Kyls. :)

I don't understand girls.

Warning: This post will be lengthy.

Like, honestly. Y'all make no sense. I make no sense. Girls make no sense.
We get our knickers in a knot all because of these stupid boys and stupid scales and stupid mirrors and other stupid girls. Like, come on now. There are a few main things that girls say just make me so mad, so I'm going to do what I do best and tell you my opinion... :P

1. Pretty girls who wear pounds of make up and refuse to eat because they "need to be summer bikini ready."
Like, don't get me wrong. I'm totally down with the idea of living a healthy lifestyle. God gave us these amazing, intricate, complex and beautiful bodies, let's be good to them. Eat healthy and exercise. Not because you're "just so fat", but because it's the best thing for you in the long run. There's this girl I know, and let me tell you, she is so skinny and she is so beautiful and every single day, on her Tumblr, all I see "I wish I looked like her". It makes me so mad/sad that these girls have so deluded themselves into believing that they're ugly just because they don't look like someone who has been airbrushed over a zillion times.
You're the beautiful one, society is ugly.


2. "Oh my gosh, there are no good guys out there. They're all pigs and jerks and players."
Let me just start by saying, FALSE. I could give you a list, an entire list, pages long, of amazing boys that I know. Amazing boys that would treat a girl with the utmost affection and respect. Are there players out there? Yes, a  lot of them and I honestly am sorry if you've been hurt by them. It sucks. I've been there. But trust me, "fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on me." Mistakes teach you things. Really.
Are they amazing boys out there? Yes, a lot of them. And guess what? They're getting tired of picking up the messes that these shallow boys have left behind. These sweet, loving, Godly boys are the type that would give you the world if they could get the chance, but most of them aren't going to go chasing you around, they won't put up with your flirty little games. Unlike the other boys (the boys that give us the attention we want), they aren't lost in this world, they aren't lost in lust, lost in making you feel good, lost in seeing how far they can get you to go. They're lost in God, as they should be. 
I'm totally guilty of this. These shallow, selfish boys will say anything that they have to and as long as you're buying it, they think that they're in the clear. All systems a-go. And let's be honest now ladies, we constantly flirt and acknowledge and bask in the attention... we can be just as big and ruthless of players as they can. You can't be an attention hungry little tease and expect Prince Charming to put up with it.
Get lost in God and focus of falling in love with Him, don't even worry about boys. They're kinda dumb sometimes anyway. :P


3. Intelligence is attractive.
Don't play stupid. Don't play ditsy. Don't be helpless.
Be an independent woman.
You're beautiful, you're capable, you're smart. Act like it.


4. We're emotional creatures, we're delicate. That's okay.
What isn't okay is being over-dramatic.
Guys can't fix you, girls.
But God can.

I get it, ladies, I do. I've been there, I'm still there. I love attention, boy do I love it. And don't you dare tell me that you don't. Because you do.
It's really easy to get so wrapped up in this idea of what the media tells us we ought to be like, ought to look like, who we should date, what he should look like... There is so much pressure on us. It's hard to be a girl and grow up in this society. Heck, it's hard to be a human and grow up in this society, but that is no excuse to let it strip of all the amazing things you have to offer.
Be yourself, be confident.
Love others. Despite what this girl did, what that girl said, that dirty look that she really didn't give you...
Respect boys, 'cause living in this society is hard for them.
There are no exceptions, girls. We are beautiful. We're kids of the King. That makes you worth so much more than you think.

K, I'm done. Just had to get some of that off of my chest. Know that this is not meant to offend anyone.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Psalm 139:14

Later bro,

Kyls.

Rant time. Annnnnd go!

I have a few different things I want to kind of touch base on simply because I either feel convicted by this or am annoyed by this. I apologize for the fact that this is completely selfish and mainly for the purpose of my own sanity, but hey... if this is beneficial to anyone, I've just accidentally done something really cool with my self-expression and my free time.

"No can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt.
100% true, but it's a lot easier said than done, am I right?

Maybe this is just me, but as sweet as compliments are, it's the destructive and hateful comments that I remember. It was that horribly rude girl in seventh grade with words like swords and that malicious boy my sophomore year that have made a bigger impact on me than anything kind that was once said. You know why these things hurt me? Not only because of their harmful nature, but also because I let them. It seems so easy to falter to painful comments and hurtful words, but to dismiss the most sincere compliments. To be honest, I feel like crap when one person says something insulting thing despite the 248023498 people that said something encouraging. And let's be honest, I am not the only person that does that.

We so often allow other people to pull on our heart strings, mess with our heads and make us feel horrid about ourselves. Why though? I don't get it. It's not a matter of being strong... or at least I don't think it is. I hope that's not the case, because I guess I'm a really weak person.

It's so easy to forget our identity in Christ... how He hand-crafted not only your physical appearance, but your soul. You're the handiwork of God. If that doesn't make you beautiful, I don't know what does. It's so hard  to remember that. You know?

But I guess I'll end my selfish rant with this:
You (this is me too!) are beautiful, you are worthy of love, you are worthy of happiness.
You are a child of the Almighty King, He loves you and has good things for you.
Never give up, never cease to have hope.

Later bro,
Kyls.

It's go time.

I have a lot say... but does that surprise anyone?

My brother is graduating in 3 days... 3. And well, he hates it when I do this, but I don't care. Being his sister is a blessing. Despite the fact that he shoots me with rubberbands on a daily basis, throws grapes at my wall, yells at me through my door, stinks up the bathroom, and uses the hot water, I love my brother so much. He is hilarious and genuine and being a part of his life has been awesome. He's going to go far, I know it.

Also, silly Joe hacked my blog because he's a butt and wrote that last post, if that wasn't obvious, and I apologize for that. BUT! Tour was fantastic. Such a tiring, exciting, stressful, amazing blessing.

We were blessed with the ability to perform is some very beautiful and welcoming churches and we met some really great friends at some awesome high schools as well. We also stayed in a few beautiful homes and visited a lot of cool sites. Getting back into the swing of things was difficult, but tour was definitely worth it.

Literally the day after tour was the Jr. Sr. Luau, which was also very fun. I was able to spend some time getting closer to a lot of the people in my class as well as the senior class... and well, I write kick-butt letters. ;) 

Knowing the my junior is now over, knowing (not really!) the whirlwind that is about to take place this next year... I'm nervous. I'm actually really freaking scared, but I'm also confident that in time, God has big things for me. 

"Wait for the Lord.

Be strong, take heart

and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 27:14

It's been a crazy ride and it about to get even crazier! But summer is here and I'm looking forward to lots of sun, singing, traveling, friends, family... 

It's summertime! 

This is my year. 

Later bro,

Kyls.

Joe Barbour

"Aight yall. It is time to write this long-awaited post about a great friend and total butt named Joe.

If any of you, my avid readers, know Joe Barbour, you know how talented he is. I hate to admit it, and I rarely actually tell him, but he is a musical prodigy. He can sing as well as play any instrument in the world.

However, Joe knows it. In fact, he lets it feed his ego until his head is about to burst with pride. I can't give you a specific example but his general attitude just rubs on me.

Joe also can be cruel. He has a legit heart for people but he chooses to be mean instead, mercilessly tearing me down in his humor. I almost never deserve it and I'm mean only in retaliation, but he does it all the same.

Like I said, though, he has a real heart for people. I think he loves me in a pretty deep agape way; he just has a hard time showing it. In fact, I know that he really wants my relationship with God to be better than it is. His heart breaks for me when I get emotional, because he knows it comes from a deeper problem than just my circumstances. I wish I could pray with him about it sometime. He would like that.

His meanness isn't usually even intended to hurt me anymore, it is just a habit that is hard to break. He is trying though, and like I said; he loves me. Maybe writing this will encourage him to break those habits."

Oh, these silly people that think they can mess with my blog. :P
Thanks Joe. I still hate you...just kidding. Love you too, friend. K, bye.

Later bro,
Kyls.

Let the whirlwind begin.

We are officially on tour!

Friday afternoon, with 6 students crammed in a little van with LOTS of luggage, left the Apple Valley Christian School parking lot with their headphones in, their hands reaching for the nearest snack foods, and big smiles on their faces. The 8 and a half hours were surprisingly more fun than I thought. (Not that I don't love the company of my friends, but that's 8 and a half hours we're talking about!) So, after a few extremely essential stops (food, bathroom, Starbucks), we arrived at our destination at approx. 10pm on Friday night.
After room assignments were figured out and we were decked out in our jammies, it was immediately bed-time. After a restful night, we had a performance this morning that lifted my spirits and excited me...even through my fatigue. It may sound silly, but sometimes I think that there's nothing I love more than just singing. This morning in particular made me think this because of a super sweet and responsive crowd, but even in situations that lack such audience, I really just love it.

All in all, I'm pretty blessed... even though freakin' Joe is staring over my shoulder as I write this... It's going to be a long week. But 100% worth it.

Later bro,
Kyls. :D

You are stirring up songs in me. So I'll sing, sing, sing. I'll sing for you.

Still it remains a mystery, Lord. This great love that saved my soul.

And as I nailed you to the tree, you poured forgiveness out on me.

For the God who gave His life, I now abandon mine. I lay me down, God.

I wish that I had something deep, cute or clever to say.

But I don't.

As I stare at this screen, I simply sit in the middle of the traffic of my thoughts. My life honestly has started taking a turn for the better and I'm so hopeful and excited for what is to come. Summer is on the horizon, the beginning of my senior year is slowly making its way to me, Brioso is leaving for tour in like, 2 weeks (!!!) and well, I'm a happy panda. :)

Yesterday and today was spent in the company of my best friend (and a few other awesome people!) who I am forever grateful for. We visited her ABS house and took part in a few great discussions and well, showing up Zach Wingard in basketball was also great fun. ;) Sometimes it takes sharing a polar bear blanket, chowing down on popcorn and Swedish Fish, watching cartoons and simply laughing together to realize that God has blessed with me some of the greatest friends ever.

On a different note, my mind right now seems to have more traffic than Bear Valley road at rush-hour. With the upcoming holiday, Watson essay topics bouncing around in my head, events from the past few days, my thoughts seem to be running away from me. The sunburn ain't doing great things either. :P 

With all that being said, I wish I had something interesting to give you, some bits of wisdom from my ginger mind, but I'm afraid that I don't. Just a bunch of smiles and some silly pictures. Thank you for actually reading this, it really does mean a lot. I really am blessed with the chance to be with amazing people that love me and that support me, and you being one of them, thanks. I love you. :)

On that note, I bid you farewell.

Later bro,

Kyls. <3

In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh

Fullness of God in helpless babe

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones He came to save

'Till on that cross as Jesus died

The wrath of God was satisfied

For every sin on Him was laid

Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From life's first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Can ever pluck me from His hand

'Till He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

Sometimes, I forget how great it feels to smile.

On a different note:

It really frustrates when people always go back to their old ways. When they're so broken and yet they return to the very same thing that broke them in the first place.
What bugs me even more is that I'm totally guilty of this.

Humans are creatures of habit. Every person has a bad habit, a slight addiction... and I don't mean biting on their nails. We flourish in what we know, what is comfortable to us and we rarely ever long to be outside of that. When we get pulled out of an environment that's comfortable to us, we'll still be able to function, but we won't be able to do so without feeling miserable or out of place. Fish out of water much.

But you know what I've learned? Sometimes, it's really freakin' amazing to be a fish out of water. We always freak out, but after the smoke clears...shoot, this pond is pretty great. After the tide of misery and discomfort has ebbed, being uncomfortable will usually lead to adjustment. Adjustment means change. And whether you like it or not, change can really lead to some amazing things. That I promise you. Through our trials, we always need to have faith and hope, that's really what will get us through.
Smile on, it gets better. Trust me. I know. :)

All that to say, I am hopeful and happy and ready for some new adventures... and I'm really hungry.

Later bro,
Kyls. :)

You are stirring up songs in me.

School is back in session, my stress has gone back it's normal "through the roof" state, my daddy is home, we are getting ready for Brioso Tour and it's a whole new month.

Sometimes I really think that I should have all of this figured out. I've been in high school for three years, I've dealt with tests and essays and projects and drama and annoying teachers and missing assignments and singing songs over and over to perfect our Brioso performances... but, this time, it's different.
It almost like I have two giant nets hanging over me. One is full of my friends, summer, short shorts, the beach, freedom, car keys, late nights, parties and Hume. I want this net to fall on me, so bad. I can not wait to be drenched in summer sun and spend endless amounts of time with my friends. This net has fun and freedom and happiness.

This other net though...not so much. This net is my reminder of everything that's gone wrong. This net is my reminder that I'm tired and I'm sick and I'm overwhelmed and I'm lonely and I'm hurt and I really miss the ways things used to be. The threat of this huge weight falling on me seems far more imminent than the other. It seems these ropes are a little less strong and a little more willing to break.
Yet, to be completely honest, I'm happy and I'm hopeful.
I really mean that.

Ps: This song is my jaaaam. ;D

Later bro,
Kyls. :)

"Oh em gee guyz. It's a painting party!"

It's week two of break and there is paint all over the place.

This week, my mom and I have taken on the project of moving my room into the adjacent bedroom, painting my new room and also painting my furniture. Sunday, with the help of my father, we moved everything out of both rooms. That evening, Ross helped sand down some of the bigger pieces of furniture. Today, Katie and Manuel helped me start the painting process and we almost have everything done! With a "baby taco" (Baja Taco) break and a paint war in the middle, my friends and I have accomplished some awesome stuff. I'm so thankful for my friends that'll sacrifice a day just to help me paint. Thanks. :)

We are almost getting ready to paint the room on Wednesday and despite that all of my clothes and things are displaced throughout my house and that the couch has turned into my bed for a few days, I'm excited and very proud of all our hard work.

Day 3 of Operation Move & Paint, here we come. :P

Later bro,
Kyls. :D

This song has been in my head for about a week now.

Let me just start by saying that I am finally better, no more icky sickness hanging around. I was able to make to the last day of Musicale on Friday. It was absolutely amazing to finally see everyone I had been missing for so long. Brioso did great, and we ended up singing with Hillcrest, which was an absolute blast. Musicale overall was amazing this year. We had really great songs, and our director, Dr. Plew, was incredible and inspirational.

(Us and Hillcrest singing Father of Light)

Monday marked the beginning of Spring Break for us Apple Valley Christian kids, and that meant a long break for me to recover and finally get back into the groove of human civilization after being attached to my bed and the bottle of cold medicine for a week. My ever so longed for break has been pleasantly busy so far hanging with different friends doing different things. Monday was spent doing my first behind the wheel and driving! (People on both the streets... and the sidewalks, beware.) That afternoon was busy with my friend Nathaniel, from Fullerton. Tuesday evening was spent drowning myself in barbecue wings and bumming around Best Buy with Adam and Linc. Wednesday was spent shopping with my best friend, Katie. That day/night was full of inside jokes and pictures and some deep conversation about recent events. I visited her school the next day and hung out with various people while she was doing testing. That days events ended with an amazing talk with my amazing friend Jazmine, whom my respect for has doubled.

(Katie and I... and our toothbrushes.)

All the giggles, shopping, and long talks aside, all the happiness aside, I'm kind of sad. Rightfully so being everything that has happened this month. It's been a tough month for me, a really tough month. All this "break up aftermath" tends to sneak on me when I least expect it. There have been things within the house that have bummed me out. Zac being gone in Europe (love you bro, hope you're having fun!) has left just me and mom. Lastly, I'm honestly harboring conflicted feelings about a lot of things and it's getting hard.

Darn you March, you were supposed to be good to me.

But I am happy, I really am. I promise.

Later bro,
Kyls.

"I get by, with a little help from my friends."

I am currently lying on the couch, wrapped up in the warmth of my favorite purple and zebra print blanket. My favorite movie, Hercules, is playing on my TV screen. This relaxing scene is the result of a horrible sore throat and a nasty little sickness.

This week has been an emotional rollercoaster - one that would probably be banned in most countries.

Monday and Tuesday were the two worst days of this week. At this point, my relationship with my boyfriend of 9 months was up in the air. Also, during this time, I was preparing my testimony that I would be sharing, which included the aggressive relationship I was in and my struggle with self-harm. Wednesday, I entered the Fellowship Hall at the youth group (which is also the lunch at my school), saw my "kinda" boyfriend and walked straight back out in tears. After being consoled by my good friend Rodney, Brett Dayton (our youth pastor) took me aside and prayed for me and gave me the much needed pep talk.

My testimony actually went really well, the feedback I received was positive, and a young girl even admitted to having a similar issue with self harm. Also, that night, we had a guest worship leader, who happened to be one of the most inspiring I have ever met. That night was a blessing in disguise for me. After the evening's events, my boyfriend came over and we were finally able to talk about everything in person and that marked the official end of our relationship.

I was, obviously, upset but, at the same time, I was blessed with a sense of peace about it all knowing that we both made the right decision for both of us. It was a mutual and clean break and we both are fine. My friends were very supportive and sweet, and for that, I am so grateful. Now, I am fine. I'm honestly happy. He and I will be friends soon and I am very thankful for the relationship we shared. The next few days were spent purposefully busy and also, planning for my birthday party, which was that Friday.

Friday marked my 17th birthday and that evening, my mom, my brother, Christina Lynn helped with all the details and that evening, we pulled off a successful and very fun birthday party. I was blessed with the company of great friends, great fun, a bunch of glowsticks, tasty food, music, and some awesome gifts. I am so thankful for the supportive, loving and hilarious friends that I have. They are the reason that I can say that, despite everything, I am happy. They are the ones that talked with me as I was at a loss of what to do. They are the ones that helped me welcome a whole new year and whole new chapter in my life. <3

(Just some of the amazing people God's blessed me with<3)

With that being said, I will return back to my movie and my cough drops. To my dear friends, I love you. A lot. Thank you everyone, for everything.

Later bro,
Kyls. :)

I'd like to be a turtle one day.

They've got it all figured out.

Sometimes I want my own little shell, my own little hiding spot where I can feel invincible to the outside. I can just imagine the inside of my shell... it'd be decked out with a disco ball, some funky decor... oh yeah. The walls of it would echo off the noise of me singing and thinking. It'd be my world, my space, my private vacation from all that wants to harm me.

But, just in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a turtle. I'm a human, I'm a girl, I have emotions, I have problems and I am vulnerable. Sometimes it gets overwhelming to sort through the amount of negative circumstances that have become the mess in my closet o' life. These different things sometimes seem to cause me to short-circuit. I start to get upset and scared and frustrated, I don't function like I should. My mouth begins to run and words come out that I truly didn't mean. My brain gets going and I drive myself mad thinking of all the things that could go wrong. My heart, in it's fragile state, starts running itself into things and causing the cracks to run just a little bit deeper. I want a shell, I don't want to be out here. It's a minefield.

Yet, there is a huge negative to my whole shell theory. If one were to constantly reside in that shell, oblivious to both the dangers and the wonders that are outside, they would never see the sun. They would never see the hope that rolls in right as the storm passes. It's a big scary world outside my little disco-mania of a turtle but, it's God world and I'm God's little turtle-ginger hybrid. He's got it all figured out. He's my shell. 


As my mother would say, "hope springs eternal". If we have faith that God is God and we are not, if we have faith that he gets it and we don't, our shell seems less appealing. As much as I'd love to boogie down in my own little turtle home, if I use this struggling to pull me towards to Father, He has a shiny, heavenly shell that will waiting just for me.
God is God and I'm not. He gets it when I don't.


Later bro,
Kyls. :)

I will always love boy bands.

I really will.

My weekend was odd, and in a way, I'm happy it's over. Saturday morning I hopped out of bed bright and early and made my way over to my school choir room. Entering the room full of groggy, unexcited singers, I knew it was going to be a loooong day. We all piled in various cars and headed down to Whittier Christian High School for an extra Musicale rehearsal with a few other schools. It was probably the most depressing thing that ever happened to me. It was rainy, the alto section never sang, their school is so dark and gray... it made me want to sleep under a rock for the rest of my life. We didn't accomplish anything, at all.

We arrived back at home base around 4:30ish, spent a little time with my dad (who is usually home only on Saturdays), got ready for church and left. Whittier left me feeling all down so, I decided to dress up a little. After dawning on my "fierce" leather jacket and my best black pants, I made my way to HDC for church that evening. After driving a friend home, we stopped at a birthday party for a few minutes, which brightened my day. I have some great friends, I really do.

Sunday, sunday, sunday... I woke up very late to again find my dad already gone, my mom upset at something stupid he said and chores that needed to be done. All this stuff with my dad... it's not easy. It hurts, everyday. It makes me sad but, I have to pretend like it doesn't.

After finishing chores, the boy came for a visit that ended up lasting all day. We played basketball, football and just did some fun active things. It was nice to not only burn off a few of the calories from retreat and to not be judged in my chore/work out outfit but, it was really nice to just do something fun and active. He then retrieved dinner for us from our local gem of an Americanized Mexican restaurant, Baja Taco. He's basically the best. :)

Then, the night took a turn in a not so pleasant direction. Around midnight, my phone rang and the call was from "Restricted." Knowing full well it was a prank call, I was hoping it would at least be funny and worth my time. It wasn't. After being really annoying, they brought up something that literally ruined my entire. Just saying his name, and saying what they said, reduced me to tears. I cried myself to sleep that night replaying over and over my mind the image of all he did.

But! Today is a new day and with a link to this video that you really must see, I bid you ado! :)
http://www.zoomers.ca/video/video/show?id=2144522:Video:466337

Later bro,
Kyls. :)

"She's somebody's baby, she's somebody's baby girl."

I am home from choir retreat, and my heart is just as delighted as it is inquisitive.

Retreat was absolutely fantastic, from the snow to late-night Truth or Dare to being MommaBear to playing Psychiatrist, it made our group so much closer. As much as we did learn our music, we learned a lot about eachother and a lot about ourselves. I found myself laughing alongside a group of beautiful that are now my "cubs" and I am their Momma Bear and I love them all. We laughed, we giggled, we ate junk food... it was a blessing to become much closer to all of them.

Also, that night, our entire group was engaged in a completely random worship session. Zac and Joe just started playing, and after a while we all started singing... It was one of the best worship experiences of my life. I'm so blessed, so so blessed to have this awesome group of people that sits in a lovely, warm cabin, huddled by the fire and sings praise to God and the snow takes over outside. 

Then, the next afternoon, chorale went back home and Brioso was left up there to stay one more night, which was an absolute blast. I love Brioso very much. We played games, ate the most delicious dinner (thanks Mrs. Goodman!) and sat down on the couches and the floor and did a personality test Mrs. M had organized for us. This grouped you with people of common personality by color, and this revealed so much about myself to me and so much about others. It was amazing to see how people will view themselves and what we see of them. It also reminded me of how I treat people and the things I really need to fix. After some serious conversation, apologies, and cup of ice cream, we all sat down to play "Psychiatrist" where you have to act like someone else in the circle. This was HILARIOUS, as well as very telling. It was fantastic nonetheless.

Retreat left me with a closer group of friends, frozen toes, wet socks, better knowledge of our songs and a lot to think about. Speaking of, I really should probably get all my snowy clothes out of my bag... I really should just get everything out of my bag... Thank you, Jesus, for this retreat. <3

Later bro,

Kyls. :)

February is always just the weirdest month.

February marks a lot of different and awkward but exciting and important things for me:
1. Basketball ends, which is always bittersweet.
2. Choir retreat. <3
3. Valentine's Day.
4. Less time to plan my birthday. :P

The season is now over which is a sad thing but, also somewhat of a relief. I'll be more free and more available, and less stressed. I'm questioning whether or not I'm going to choose to play next year. I really like basketball but, I barely got to play this year and that's rather discouraging. So I'm really not sure about that yet. The season ended with a good game, and a fantastic trip to Knott's with the team.

Choir retreat is next week, and I am both stoked and freaking out. This means that Musicale is about a month away and we are not prepared at all. I haven't practiced my solo at all, and Brioso still has lots of work to do on "God of Wonders" and "Father of Light". Crazy... crazy crazy crazy.

Valentines Day... ick. This day is whatever to me. As much I enjoy the fact that I will have a Valentine this year, it's still a rather annoying concept. Especially being that mine this year will again be lonely and mediocre being that my significant other has class that evening and school during the day. So, I don't know. I guess I'll be telling you about that later.

And lastly... my birthday is about 3 weeks away and I am freaking out. :P

As much as I want to make this something worth reading, I'm currently in a rush and stressed and I will hope to sign on elaborate later.
Later bro,
Kyls.

I feel as though I need a theme song.

This post numero uno on this so-called blog of mine. I am still unsure of what at all I want to achieve with this but, all I know is it feels good to write. In honor of how many people probably won't read this (and thanks if you do!), I thought I might as well tell you about myself, since it's obvious that you're just dying to know. ;)

For starters, my name is Kylie Danielle, yet I enjoy being called Kyls.
Singing is my passion, there is nothing in the world that I love more than singing.
I'm a small girl (5'0") with big dreams, big ideas and an obsession with Disney movies.
I enjoy writing. A lot.
A lot of people would never expect that I absolutely love hockey.
I think a lot. About everything, and sometimes it gets me in trouble.
Friendship and family means the world to me, and I'm known to be friendly and social.
I like food, more than I should.
Lastly, I am a Christian, I love the Lord and I do my best to live for Him even though I constantly fall short.

I really hope that people actually read this, as shallow and lame as that sounds. Yet, at the same time, I just want to write.

This means that I'm done with post number one, and I'm fairly content with the outcome, yeah? :) I'd like to pretend that I'm blog savvy and have a cute and clever little sign off but, I don't. So instead of sitting here, staring at my screen and thinking of something, I'll stare at a screen with moving pictures and think of something.

Later bro,
Kyls. :)