I'd like to be a turtle one day.

They've got it all figured out.

Sometimes I want my own little shell, my own little hiding spot where I can feel invincible to the outside. I can just imagine the inside of my shell... it'd be decked out with a disco ball, some funky decor... oh yeah. The walls of it would echo off the noise of me singing and thinking. It'd be my world, my space, my private vacation from all that wants to harm me.

But, just in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a turtle. I'm a human, I'm a girl, I have emotions, I have problems and I am vulnerable. Sometimes it gets overwhelming to sort through the amount of negative circumstances that have become the mess in my closet o' life. These different things sometimes seem to cause me to short-circuit. I start to get upset and scared and frustrated, I don't function like I should. My mouth begins to run and words come out that I truly didn't mean. My brain gets going and I drive myself mad thinking of all the things that could go wrong. My heart, in it's fragile state, starts running itself into things and causing the cracks to run just a little bit deeper. I want a shell, I don't want to be out here. It's a minefield.

Yet, there is a huge negative to my whole shell theory. If one were to constantly reside in that shell, oblivious to both the dangers and the wonders that are outside, they would never see the sun. They would never see the hope that rolls in right as the storm passes. It's a big scary world outside my little disco-mania of a turtle but, it's God world and I'm God's little turtle-ginger hybrid. He's got it all figured out. He's my shell. 


As my mother would say, "hope springs eternal". If we have faith that God is God and we are not, if we have faith that he gets it and we don't, our shell seems less appealing. As much as I'd love to boogie down in my own little turtle home, if I use this struggling to pull me towards to Father, He has a shiny, heavenly shell that will waiting just for me.
God is God and I'm not. He gets it when I don't.


Later bro,
Kyls. :)

I will always love boy bands.

I really will.

My weekend was odd, and in a way, I'm happy it's over. Saturday morning I hopped out of bed bright and early and made my way over to my school choir room. Entering the room full of groggy, unexcited singers, I knew it was going to be a loooong day. We all piled in various cars and headed down to Whittier Christian High School for an extra Musicale rehearsal with a few other schools. It was probably the most depressing thing that ever happened to me. It was rainy, the alto section never sang, their school is so dark and gray... it made me want to sleep under a rock for the rest of my life. We didn't accomplish anything, at all.

We arrived back at home base around 4:30ish, spent a little time with my dad (who is usually home only on Saturdays), got ready for church and left. Whittier left me feeling all down so, I decided to dress up a little. After dawning on my "fierce" leather jacket and my best black pants, I made my way to HDC for church that evening. After driving a friend home, we stopped at a birthday party for a few minutes, which brightened my day. I have some great friends, I really do.

Sunday, sunday, sunday... I woke up very late to again find my dad already gone, my mom upset at something stupid he said and chores that needed to be done. All this stuff with my dad... it's not easy. It hurts, everyday. It makes me sad but, I have to pretend like it doesn't.

After finishing chores, the boy came for a visit that ended up lasting all day. We played basketball, football and just did some fun active things. It was nice to not only burn off a few of the calories from retreat and to not be judged in my chore/work out outfit but, it was really nice to just do something fun and active. He then retrieved dinner for us from our local gem of an Americanized Mexican restaurant, Baja Taco. He's basically the best. :)

Then, the night took a turn in a not so pleasant direction. Around midnight, my phone rang and the call was from "Restricted." Knowing full well it was a prank call, I was hoping it would at least be funny and worth my time. It wasn't. After being really annoying, they brought up something that literally ruined my entire. Just saying his name, and saying what they said, reduced me to tears. I cried myself to sleep that night replaying over and over my mind the image of all he did.

But! Today is a new day and with a link to this video that you really must see, I bid you ado! :)
http://www.zoomers.ca/video/video/show?id=2144522:Video:466337

Later bro,
Kyls. :)

"She's somebody's baby, she's somebody's baby girl."

I am home from choir retreat, and my heart is just as delighted as it is inquisitive.

Retreat was absolutely fantastic, from the snow to late-night Truth or Dare to being MommaBear to playing Psychiatrist, it made our group so much closer. As much as we did learn our music, we learned a lot about eachother and a lot about ourselves. I found myself laughing alongside a group of beautiful that are now my "cubs" and I am their Momma Bear and I love them all. We laughed, we giggled, we ate junk food... it was a blessing to become much closer to all of them.

Also, that night, our entire group was engaged in a completely random worship session. Zac and Joe just started playing, and after a while we all started singing... It was one of the best worship experiences of my life. I'm so blessed, so so blessed to have this awesome group of people that sits in a lovely, warm cabin, huddled by the fire and sings praise to God and the snow takes over outside. 

Then, the next afternoon, chorale went back home and Brioso was left up there to stay one more night, which was an absolute blast. I love Brioso very much. We played games, ate the most delicious dinner (thanks Mrs. Goodman!) and sat down on the couches and the floor and did a personality test Mrs. M had organized for us. This grouped you with people of common personality by color, and this revealed so much about myself to me and so much about others. It was amazing to see how people will view themselves and what we see of them. It also reminded me of how I treat people and the things I really need to fix. After some serious conversation, apologies, and cup of ice cream, we all sat down to play "Psychiatrist" where you have to act like someone else in the circle. This was HILARIOUS, as well as very telling. It was fantastic nonetheless.

Retreat left me with a closer group of friends, frozen toes, wet socks, better knowledge of our songs and a lot to think about. Speaking of, I really should probably get all my snowy clothes out of my bag... I really should just get everything out of my bag... Thank you, Jesus, for this retreat. <3

Later bro,

Kyls. :)